I was having a conversation with my good friend Kenny Wiley about reaching a point in the road where decisions must be made. Sometimes these decisions require a leap and sometimes they are well calculated and their positive outcome is pretty much guaranteed.
After officially completing my masters degree in September, I was asked 'what next?' by so many people, I considered writing out my career path on my forehead. At the peak of my annoyance with these questions, I realized that I was not the only person grappling with these issues. From Greece, to Egypt, to the United States.. what WAS next?
Also another discussion that has spanned from the US of A, to the Gulf of Mexico, to Croatia, to Egypt and right back to Switzerland is taking a leap in personal relationships. Josipa Saric once told me, 'I really have to dedicate serious time to my thesis because time is running out and I want to get married'. Back then, I thought it was quite entertaining.
But I think at a certain stage of life the concept of 'taking a leap' has become so relevant in everything we do, all of our considerations. Careers and personal relationships alike, require a leap based on strength, ability to accept failure and most of all fear.
Now Mr. Wiley asked me a very important question, he asked whether I leap often.
For a really long time, leaping for me was a mere mathematical equation. You do, you receive. End of story. I did and I received. I believed that leaping was a process:
1) Identify the goal
2) Do everything in your power to achieve that goal
3) THEN LEAP.
Bam. Goal accomplished. Onto the next mountain.
Until this year. As a self-proclaimed work-aholic and insane believer in effort = results, I leaped fearlessly. Thinking no different this year, I made career plans and I travelled across the atlantic. I studied hard, I applied to jobs, I applied to schools, I travelled to take exams and I travelled to build relationships. As the year progressed, I found that even though I put my heart and soul into every endeavor, every relationship, every goal, things just fell apart. I was working but I was not receiving.
So what was happening? Why did I leap and fail to fly? For the first time ever I realized that working hard does not make me invincible, it only raises the probability that I will get what I want. It took me a couple of months to bounce back, to realize that leaping and falling, like Paulina Colio Ibarra told me, was not a reflection of the person I was, but falling was in fact a new opportunity, a window, a new possibility.
Career-wise, leaping and falling this year opened such incredible doors for me. I learned that being narrow minded in identifying your goal will only increase your chance of failure. When I opened my mind to the possibilities, I realized that the goal I had failed to achieve, was actually not my best option. My best friend, May Bahgat, through sheer determination, recently taught me that an important part of falling is being able to get right back up again. The fear that comes with leaping needs to be harnessed as a motivator to try again and again. If you let the fear take over you and stop you from seeking out new endeavors, that's when you've truly failed.
I also honestly think this blog post wouldn't be complete without Greg Lee, whose leaps took him to the unconventional and who taught me that sometimes the right way is not the only way. Although unconventionality is still a step I am too scared to take, I have realized now that there are 10 different ways to achieve my goals and the only way to properly leap and succeed is to consider all of them.
Relationship-wise, leaping and falling taught me to know what I want and to not settle for anything less. Introspection, introspection, introspection. Most of all, falling taught me to reassess myself, situations, what I want and what is worth fighting for. Janina Mank also inspired me, teaching me to practice what I preach. In personal relationships, the same approach applies. Know what you want, consider all the possibilities, then pick up that phone.
Finally, you want to know what my favorite part about all of this is? Of all the people mentioned in this post, only Kenny Wiley and Greg Lee share the same nationality (although not from the same state). Finally. I've found something that unites you all. The will to move forward. The will to build a better, brighter, weirder, greater, funnier, warmer future.
Thursday, 28 October 2010
Thursday, 4 March 2010
The Anyway Friend
I am half way through getting ready to leave at 8:30 am and this concept just won't leave my head. I was watching Private Practice last night (a spinoff from Grey's Anatomy) and I was enlightened to the concept of the 'anyway friend'. The 'anyway friend' as defined by the cast and crew of Private Practice is someone who will love you and cherish your friendship ...anyway - this encompasses all the moments you are a pain in the ass, boring, mismatched, angry, tired, frustrating, stupid.
I have to leave to drive across town for no apparent reason. I will finish this at my destination. It means I'll finally get to use the blogg app on my iPhone. I heart technology.
Ok so I'm back - I have a good 30 mins in this waiting room. Where were we?
Yes, the 'anyway friend'. I will be the first to admit that I am a person who depends on a lot of anyway friends. In fact, I don't ever really consider anyone my real friend until they hit the 'anyway' benchmark. I've always tried to explain it to people but under the umbrella of 'trust'. It always goes along the lines of 'I can't be your friend until I can trust that you'll be around' - by around I of course meant when I'm in a bad mood, when I'm tired, when I make a mistake etc.
Reflecting back on my friendships, my anyway friends know that when I'm seething with anger, I am best left alone. They don't care that I'm so tired my eyes are puffy on video skype. My anyway friends yell at me when I've wronged them and then tell me they love me before they sign off. They know I'm arrogant, sarcastic, immature and sometimes pretentious and they call me out on it every time. My anyway friends don't live on the same continent I do and see me very rarely, but when they do, they are still my friends anyway.
These are the people who'll see you in your pjs and compliment them. They are the people who'll laugh out loud when you spill water, eat funny, say something epically retarded or when you're plain being yourself.
Being in an anyway friendship is quite possibly the hardest type of friendship to identify and to maintain. It requires a level of trust that I find hard to master at times. Trust that when you are done being angry, the person you are angry at will still be around long enough to remember why you were friends in the first place.
If you are reading this blog, there is a 99% chance that I consider myself YOUR anyway friend too. When I think about it, I honestly think it's the greatest part of a friendship - to know that someone you care about is comfortable enough with your relationship to be able to hear that they are frustrating you, but still know you love them...anyway.
B
I have to leave to drive across town for no apparent reason. I will finish this at my destination. It means I'll finally get to use the blogg app on my iPhone. I heart technology.
Ok so I'm back - I have a good 30 mins in this waiting room. Where were we?
Yes, the 'anyway friend'. I will be the first to admit that I am a person who depends on a lot of anyway friends. In fact, I don't ever really consider anyone my real friend until they hit the 'anyway' benchmark. I've always tried to explain it to people but under the umbrella of 'trust'. It always goes along the lines of 'I can't be your friend until I can trust that you'll be around' - by around I of course meant when I'm in a bad mood, when I'm tired, when I make a mistake etc.
Reflecting back on my friendships, my anyway friends know that when I'm seething with anger, I am best left alone. They don't care that I'm so tired my eyes are puffy on video skype. My anyway friends yell at me when I've wronged them and then tell me they love me before they sign off. They know I'm arrogant, sarcastic, immature and sometimes pretentious and they call me out on it every time. My anyway friends don't live on the same continent I do and see me very rarely, but when they do, they are still my friends anyway.
These are the people who'll see you in your pjs and compliment them. They are the people who'll laugh out loud when you spill water, eat funny, say something epically retarded or when you're plain being yourself.
Being in an anyway friendship is quite possibly the hardest type of friendship to identify and to maintain. It requires a level of trust that I find hard to master at times. Trust that when you are done being angry, the person you are angry at will still be around long enough to remember why you were friends in the first place.
If you are reading this blog, there is a 99% chance that I consider myself YOUR anyway friend too. When I think about it, I honestly think it's the greatest part of a friendship - to know that someone you care about is comfortable enough with your relationship to be able to hear that they are frustrating you, but still know you love them...anyway.
B
Thursday, 25 February 2010
Egyptian Political Update
So for any of you following Egyptian politics by virtue of your Egyptianness, location or general association with me, you will know that our presidential elections are coming up. Now, the candidates are as follows: Mobarak (President for my mother's entire lifetime), Mini-Mobarak (Egyptian euphemism for Mobarak's son, whose accession to the presidency will surely bring the term 'monarchy' to a whole new totalitarian level.. what's that now? You say we don't have a monarchy? Oh, we will.), and El Baradei (Former UN Chief of the Atomic Agency and 12 year resident of countries where the grass is surely greener). There has also been a little bit of noise about Ayman Noor, the poor soul who thought he could run in fairly democratic elections the last time we attempted those, but found himself in prison for a couple of years.
I assure you that Egyptians care about the elections, they really do - for one reason: money. Those who have it want to keep it and those who don't, live in hope that political change will automatically translate into a financial trickle down. So on one hand, you have the majority with a cumulatively louder voice and on the other, you have the minority with a cumulatively more influential reach. So who wins if they both oppose each other in their choices? With El Baradei, it seems like this division has been slightly blurred, with the majority supporting the concept of a breath of fresh air and the minority supporting a man who has lived in countries where they vacation to get away from commonplace Egyptians. In short, El Baradei has become a symbol of hope for the poor and a symbol of privilege for the rich.
Those who vex me in particular, are the middle class (you can argue all you want, but they exist). The middle class I refer to are those who are well-educated, well-read and seek to broaden their horizons despite their limited financial means. They don't vacation in Europe and America, but they follow American politics and European soccer championships..the people sort of caught in the middle. They seem to be in a state of complete rejection of El Baradei - why you ask? Because 'he doesn't know Egypt or the people of Egypt'. Blogger and amusing political activist Wael Abbas argues, 'he doesn't have a past in activism or politics in Egypt....he's not Lenin coming back to Russia after the Revolution or Mandela coming out of prison. So I don't think the support for him is well grounded. What I believe is that some people are clinging to straws. They are sinking and they are clinging to something that they think might help their lives.'
Are they? I mean traditional logic dictates that El Baradei has lived abroad in what Egyptians deem as 'civilized' nations where he has been part of enforcing the rule of law, where he has paid taxes, stopped at red traffic lights, parked in parking zones, thrown his garbage in garbage disposals, respected his neighbor and kept his community clean. The thinking goes that he can come and enforce all those great civilized European tendencies in our anarchic nation and BOOM - problem solved. It's like self-inflicted imperialism. But isn't that how everyone thinks? Go abroad, learn new skills and bring them home to boost development, economic growth and intellectual stimulation? So why the rejection? Why is El Baradei, Nobel Prize Laureate, UN Chief of the Atomic Agency for 12 years, primary negotiator with Iran on its nuclear program, not good enough for Egypt? Why do we doubt his decades of experience? I am puzzled. Could he be worse than what we already have? Who is our alternative? The pseudo-monarchist?
I have lived abroad more than than I have back home, and in smaller and more trivial situations I have felt what it was like to be rejected simply by virtue of my foreign-ness. But is there ever a point where we learn to reconcile the two notions where we say yes, send our kids abroad to learn and work and bring those skills home but no, you are not fit to govern our country for the exact same reason we sent you abroad to begin with? How does that work? Where do you draw the line? Yes to the foreigners or no? This schizophrenic approach to the amount of influence we want the West to have over our country is historically justified, but we could be on the brink of change, a time when new approaches may be a potential solution and cannot be merely rejected on the basis that they have yet to manifest themselves with our people.
El Baradei has amassed an extensive amount of support from the people, however, he still has several legislative impediments to his ability to formally run for office. Regardless, the concept is still on the table, do we hold his foreign diplomacy against him and to what end and with what alternative? Or do we swallow our pride and admit that there may be a chance that this man, devoid of any political ties to Egypt, may be more fit to rule than Mobarak, the man who fought for our nation and then let it go?
B
I assure you that Egyptians care about the elections, they really do - for one reason: money. Those who have it want to keep it and those who don't, live in hope that political change will automatically translate into a financial trickle down. So on one hand, you have the majority with a cumulatively louder voice and on the other, you have the minority with a cumulatively more influential reach. So who wins if they both oppose each other in their choices? With El Baradei, it seems like this division has been slightly blurred, with the majority supporting the concept of a breath of fresh air and the minority supporting a man who has lived in countries where they vacation to get away from commonplace Egyptians. In short, El Baradei has become a symbol of hope for the poor and a symbol of privilege for the rich.
Those who vex me in particular, are the middle class (you can argue all you want, but they exist). The middle class I refer to are those who are well-educated, well-read and seek to broaden their horizons despite their limited financial means. They don't vacation in Europe and America, but they follow American politics and European soccer championships..the people sort of caught in the middle. They seem to be in a state of complete rejection of El Baradei - why you ask? Because 'he doesn't know Egypt or the people of Egypt'. Blogger and amusing political activist Wael Abbas argues, 'he doesn't have a past in activism or politics in Egypt....he's not Lenin coming back to Russia after the Revolution or Mandela coming out of prison. So I don't think the support for him is well grounded. What I believe is that some people are clinging to straws. They are sinking and they are clinging to something that they think might help their lives.'
Are they? I mean traditional logic dictates that El Baradei has lived abroad in what Egyptians deem as 'civilized' nations where he has been part of enforcing the rule of law, where he has paid taxes, stopped at red traffic lights, parked in parking zones, thrown his garbage in garbage disposals, respected his neighbor and kept his community clean. The thinking goes that he can come and enforce all those great civilized European tendencies in our anarchic nation and BOOM - problem solved. It's like self-inflicted imperialism. But isn't that how everyone thinks? Go abroad, learn new skills and bring them home to boost development, economic growth and intellectual stimulation? So why the rejection? Why is El Baradei, Nobel Prize Laureate, UN Chief of the Atomic Agency for 12 years, primary negotiator with Iran on its nuclear program, not good enough for Egypt? Why do we doubt his decades of experience? I am puzzled. Could he be worse than what we already have? Who is our alternative? The pseudo-monarchist?
I have lived abroad more than than I have back home, and in smaller and more trivial situations I have felt what it was like to be rejected simply by virtue of my foreign-ness. But is there ever a point where we learn to reconcile the two notions where we say yes, send our kids abroad to learn and work and bring those skills home but no, you are not fit to govern our country for the exact same reason we sent you abroad to begin with? How does that work? Where do you draw the line? Yes to the foreigners or no? This schizophrenic approach to the amount of influence we want the West to have over our country is historically justified, but we could be on the brink of change, a time when new approaches may be a potential solution and cannot be merely rejected on the basis that they have yet to manifest themselves with our people.
El Baradei has amassed an extensive amount of support from the people, however, he still has several legislative impediments to his ability to formally run for office. Regardless, the concept is still on the table, do we hold his foreign diplomacy against him and to what end and with what alternative? Or do we swallow our pride and admit that there may be a chance that this man, devoid of any political ties to Egypt, may be more fit to rule than Mobarak, the man who fought for our nation and then let it go?
B
Sunday, 24 January 2010
The Year I turned 21
This blog post is a little late, but it's here. Normally, most look back on their year and post their hopes and dreams for the new one. But I like that I'm writing this almost a month into the new year, that way my aspirations are put into greater context and well...end up making sense. A brief look back at my 2009...what can I say? It started with hopes and dreams and ended with reality - neither necessarily bad, but both obviously differed from one another.
The material highlight of my 2009 was the long-awaited arrival of my Mini - it is often referred to as my baby, tamatem, zatoona, or the coolest damn car you'll ever come across. I think I spent the better part of this year just talking about it. Of course, with the car came the tales of my speeding tickets, parking tickets, the one time I was summoned to a police station and how can we forget the infamous rear-ending a cop car incident?
Academically and career-wise, it was a pretty stellar year. I got to travel to Germany, Poland and Taiwan for an international law competition which most of you probably heard endless stories about. It was a truly defining experience because that was the main reason I decided to pursue law even further. That meant I spent the better half of my year studying for LSATs - my own little nightmare. I also had to explain to my parents that I don't intend on getting a job unless it's the one I want nor getting married - which, with my turning 21, automatically became a topic of dinner-table conversation. So overall, definite career milestones and I'm sort of excited as to where they will take me in 2010.
I also interned with the United Nations which actually sounds a lot more exciting than it was. The greatest part of it was having an all access pass to all those rooms you tourists aren't allowed to take pictures in. I was there when Ahmedinijad insulted Israel at the opening of the human rights conference, I was there when Ban Ki Moon dropped in and when Gorbachev came. It was epic. Every morning, I'd park my car in the diplomat parking, check the main entrance of the E-Building (where everything happens) for a red carpet (an indication that I should go on a hunt for the persona of the day), check the conference board for anything cool I'd want to attend like the International Law Commission's Annual Meeting and then make my way to the infamous 'Bar Serpent' where my coffee would be waiting. The actual substantive work in the internship was disappointing, but the friends I made and the experiences I gained are truly irreplaceable. I also received a cool little certificate.
Friendship and relationship wise, as you all know, I meet more people than I can keep track of most of the time. But what was cool about 2009 is that I got to go home and see some of the people who matter the most. I spent a great time catching up with my best friend and all my really good friends which is something I really needed. The hustle and bustle of everyday life sometimes makes it easy to overcome the distance, but once I was home, I realized how much I needed the time with my family and the face-to-face contact with all my friends. So definitely a big plus!
Overall, I had a great 2009 ...with all the ups, there were downs, but I was very blessed and I guess I could take this chance to thank all of you for being a big part of my really cool year!
For 2010 - the prospects? Well my 2010 has gotten off to a fantastic start. I got to travel which you all know is my favorite thing to do in the world! I went to the US of A with Nancy for a couple of weeks where I did distinctly american things like watch an NBA game, a football game (Green Bay Packers and the Sun devils I think), ate Steak, went to a Honky Tonk, and played Apples to Apples. More traveling plans are in the works so I'm pretty psyched. Also 2010 will be another defining career year because I should be hearing back from law schools in about a month so I'm going to find out if I will ever be rich or not. On the friendship/relationship front, I am inviting all of you to try to make my year. So either come see me, or marry me. I have no particular preference.
If I haven't wished you already, I hope you have a fantastic 2010 and I hope you have the privilege of seeing me!
B.
The material highlight of my 2009 was the long-awaited arrival of my Mini - it is often referred to as my baby, tamatem, zatoona, or the coolest damn car you'll ever come across. I think I spent the better part of this year just talking about it. Of course, with the car came the tales of my speeding tickets, parking tickets, the one time I was summoned to a police station and how can we forget the infamous rear-ending a cop car incident?
Academically and career-wise, it was a pretty stellar year. I got to travel to Germany, Poland and Taiwan for an international law competition which most of you probably heard endless stories about. It was a truly defining experience because that was the main reason I decided to pursue law even further. That meant I spent the better half of my year studying for LSATs - my own little nightmare. I also had to explain to my parents that I don't intend on getting a job unless it's the one I want nor getting married - which, with my turning 21, automatically became a topic of dinner-table conversation. So overall, definite career milestones and I'm sort of excited as to where they will take me in 2010.
I also interned with the United Nations which actually sounds a lot more exciting than it was. The greatest part of it was having an all access pass to all those rooms you tourists aren't allowed to take pictures in. I was there when Ahmedinijad insulted Israel at the opening of the human rights conference, I was there when Ban Ki Moon dropped in and when Gorbachev came. It was epic. Every morning, I'd park my car in the diplomat parking, check the main entrance of the E-Building (where everything happens) for a red carpet (an indication that I should go on a hunt for the persona of the day), check the conference board for anything cool I'd want to attend like the International Law Commission's Annual Meeting and then make my way to the infamous 'Bar Serpent' where my coffee would be waiting. The actual substantive work in the internship was disappointing, but the friends I made and the experiences I gained are truly irreplaceable. I also received a cool little certificate.
Friendship and relationship wise, as you all know, I meet more people than I can keep track of most of the time. But what was cool about 2009 is that I got to go home and see some of the people who matter the most. I spent a great time catching up with my best friend and all my really good friends which is something I really needed. The hustle and bustle of everyday life sometimes makes it easy to overcome the distance, but once I was home, I realized how much I needed the time with my family and the face-to-face contact with all my friends. So definitely a big plus!
Overall, I had a great 2009 ...with all the ups, there were downs, but I was very blessed and I guess I could take this chance to thank all of you for being a big part of my really cool year!
For 2010 - the prospects? Well my 2010 has gotten off to a fantastic start. I got to travel which you all know is my favorite thing to do in the world! I went to the US of A with Nancy for a couple of weeks where I did distinctly american things like watch an NBA game, a football game (Green Bay Packers and the Sun devils I think), ate Steak, went to a Honky Tonk, and played Apples to Apples. More traveling plans are in the works so I'm pretty psyched. Also 2010 will be another defining career year because I should be hearing back from law schools in about a month so I'm going to find out if I will ever be rich or not. On the friendship/relationship front, I am inviting all of you to try to make my year. So either come see me, or marry me. I have no particular preference.
If I haven't wished you already, I hope you have a fantastic 2010 and I hope you have the privilege of seeing me!
B.
Monday, 30 November 2009
How do yodelers create a crisis?
This past weekend, the Swiss passed a referendum to alter their constitution to include a provision banning the construction of minarets.
For the non-lawyers amongst you, you should know that constitutional law in Switzerland is hierarchically superior to federal legislation. And for the non-Muslims amongst you, a minaret is just a really tall pole-shaped structure which is attached to a Mosque. In Islamic countries, it's basically used to call for prayer. In non-Islamic countries, it's basically useless. It's not anything that is necessarily linked to the tenants of Islam, it just forms part of traditional Islamic architecture.
This referendum was initiated by the ultra-conservative Swiss Nationalist Peoples Party which is most known for depicting foreigners as black sheep being kicked out of Switzerland by white sheep (supposedly, the ethically accountable Swiss). I've put up a picture of their latest extravaganza which was actually banned in several cantons (i.e states/provinces etc.) in the running up to the referendum. I would explain it, except apparently a picture is worth a thousand words.
In the aftermath of this little incident, I monitored the papers a little more closely, I actually watched Swiss news stations and I followed my Swiss friends on facebook. Here's what I learned: the politicians are scared, the Swiss news stations seem only to be able to find people who support the vote and reluctantly air their interviews and all my Swiss friends have expressed emotions which ranged between 'ashamed' and 'disgusted'. Strange, right?
So it's my turn! As a Muslim living in Switzerland without any voting rights, to be honest, I don't really care if we can build a minaret or not. The actual physical presence of a minaret doesn't change my faith, it's strength or my ability to practice it freely. After years of living abroad in cultures which don't necessarily understand, or even accept my religion, I've found a good way to maintain personal integrity: I don't care about your religion if you don't care about mine. In fact 99% of the people I interact with on a regular basis don't even know what my religion is. Doesn't matter. Your faith is your own.
Which brings me to two points: if 99% of the people I interact with don't know what my religion is, how can it be so imposing that you have to pass a constitutional ban on an essentially useless architectural element? The Swiss aren't stupid, which means there is another reason. Wait for it....Not banning the minarets (which doesn't give automatic authorization for them to be built, it just means in principle they can) would mean a proliferation of Islam which is not in tandem with the principles of Swiss democracy.
The Swiss democracy which just voted to ban the construction of minarets, knowing that Islam is the 2nd largest religion in the country after Christianity.
Right on.
Back to being a Muslim living in Switzerland. This year and last year and the year before I went to classes, took exams, went to work, just like everyone else during Ramadan. Not one person knew that I was fasting until 8:30 pm everyday. I reported to work on time, studied for my exams, took notes in my classes and went to the movies with my friends. Not one person wished me a Happy Eid. Nor did I object when a four hour corporate law class was scheduled on the first day of Eid. Nor did anyone object the fact that there is only one Mosque in Geneva. The Saudi Embassy just dedicated a few of it's conference rooms for prayer because there was no more room at the mosque.
Muslims don't logically expect Switzerland to accommodate our religious beliefs. But we just want to be respected. As someone who doesn't put weight on the existence of Islamic architecture to legitimize my religion, I still feel extremely disrespected.
On an economic front, my dad, whose job is to liaison between the Swiss and the Arab world in terms of trade and commerce told me today that the Swiss government sent all of their ambassadors in Arab countries to speak to the respective governments to try to explain that this isn't the result of Islamophobia. The Swiss also issued a formal memo to my dad asking him to mediate so that Swiss-Arab commerce is not affected. There is fear that the Swiss Private Banking Sector may also take a hit if all the wealthy Arabs decide to withdraw their money in protest. Also, Swiss tourism over the summer is expected to decline. As one newspaper aptly puts it 'the Swiss will feel the repercussions of this vote. They have to be prepared'.
In terms of law, because I know some of you are waiting for this mea culpa, the case is being taken to the European Court of Human Rights (an EU court). Good times all around. This affects Switzerland in more ways than one. First, Switzerland is not part of the EU, but it has ratified certain agreements. Part of the reason Switzerland isn't part of the EU is that the good yodeling people of this nation are afraid of being too regulated by EU laws. Now, if the case is going to the ECHR, politically how can the case be judged? If the ECHR says revoke the results of the referendum, it's basically saying, yes yodeling people, we can and will regulate your lives to the extent where we can interfere with your constitution. If the ECHR says no, the referendum stays, it's basically saying yes Arabs, the EU is Islamophobic.
And that ladies and gentlemen is how Islamophobic yodelers can create an unnecessary crisis.
B
Monday, 16 November 2009
It Won't Happen To Me
One of the most interesting 5 minutes of my day sometimes happens when I'm walking from the library to my car in a pitch black street lined with refugee housing and remnants of shattered glass on the ground. The only thought going through my head is no, I won't get raped. No I won't get raped. It won't happen to me.
Unfortunately somewhere deep down in the recesses of what remains of my conscience, I don't entirely believe that. Which is why the minute I'm in my car I hit the central lock and breath a sigh of relief. Nothing about the fact that I live in Geneva, not a ghetto, or about the fact that no one has ever been raped in that area registers. Nothing. Pure human survival instinct in those few minutes.
May and I were chatting about this very same concept and she asked, 'what stops all the bad things in this world from happening to us?' Is it a defiant declaration of 'it won't happen to me'? Is humanity really that arrogant? Are you really that stupid to believe that something won't happen to you because you live in a privileged area, or you've received a better education to prepare you for difficult situations, or because you're just 'smart'?
I was thinking whether it really is merely another way humans express their unmitigated arrogance, or if sometimes 'it won't happen to me' is the adult equivalent of a 6 year old's blanky?
Another hot topic on the plate this week has been love. Josipa decided she wanted to get married with or without it just to reunite everyone. It fascinates me how one can say it won't happen to me when talking about love as easily as one can say it wont happen to me when talking about rape. Really? It won't? Are you sure? What an interesting paradox because in other terms you are basically saying: I am not good enough to expect to be loved, but I'm good enough to expect not to be raped? So on a scale of 1-10, 1 being rape-able and 10 being love-able, how good are you exactly?
The real probability of it all is that you might get raped on the front door steps of your McMansion and you might find love in places where you could have sworn you never would. Nothing protects you from the onslaught of either one. If anything 'it won't happen to me' only increases the probability that either one could.
Then why the need for a false sense of security? Is it key to our day-to-day survival? Is it what gives you courage to park your car in a shady area? Is it what gives you courage to be social with everyone you meet without fear of rejection? Or worse without fear of actually falling in love? Better yet, what will happen if we all just stop believing that IT won't happen us? Will we fall apart? Will we walk with a little more caution, interact with a little more discretion?
Are the freedoms we grant ourselves a function of personal liberty or of personal slavery to our constant reiteration of 'it won't happen to me'?
B
Unfortunately somewhere deep down in the recesses of what remains of my conscience, I don't entirely believe that. Which is why the minute I'm in my car I hit the central lock and breath a sigh of relief. Nothing about the fact that I live in Geneva, not a ghetto, or about the fact that no one has ever been raped in that area registers. Nothing. Pure human survival instinct in those few minutes.
May and I were chatting about this very same concept and she asked, 'what stops all the bad things in this world from happening to us?' Is it a defiant declaration of 'it won't happen to me'? Is humanity really that arrogant? Are you really that stupid to believe that something won't happen to you because you live in a privileged area, or you've received a better education to prepare you for difficult situations, or because you're just 'smart'?
I was thinking whether it really is merely another way humans express their unmitigated arrogance, or if sometimes 'it won't happen to me' is the adult equivalent of a 6 year old's blanky?
Another hot topic on the plate this week has been love. Josipa decided she wanted to get married with or without it just to reunite everyone. It fascinates me how one can say it won't happen to me when talking about love as easily as one can say it wont happen to me when talking about rape. Really? It won't? Are you sure? What an interesting paradox because in other terms you are basically saying: I am not good enough to expect to be loved, but I'm good enough to expect not to be raped? So on a scale of 1-10, 1 being rape-able and 10 being love-able, how good are you exactly?
The real probability of it all is that you might get raped on the front door steps of your McMansion and you might find love in places where you could have sworn you never would. Nothing protects you from the onslaught of either one. If anything 'it won't happen to me' only increases the probability that either one could.
Then why the need for a false sense of security? Is it key to our day-to-day survival? Is it what gives you courage to park your car in a shady area? Is it what gives you courage to be social with everyone you meet without fear of rejection? Or worse without fear of actually falling in love? Better yet, what will happen if we all just stop believing that IT won't happen us? Will we fall apart? Will we walk with a little more caution, interact with a little more discretion?
Are the freedoms we grant ourselves a function of personal liberty or of personal slavery to our constant reiteration of 'it won't happen to me'?
B
Sunday, 18 October 2009
It's not just a penny
Today I met an Egyptian first year political science MA, Ramez (pronounced Rah-mez, not Ray-mez) at the Institute. Ramez is an average middle class Egyptian, a graduate of Cairo U, his English comes with a strong accent and a large amount of the expected shyness that comes with being forced to use a foreign language. He is modest, quiet, humble and stood 4 feet away from me when he introduced himself. He's been in my head ever since.
Ramez's story is a typical success story - a guy brought up in a social class which favors a more traditional approach, more engrossed in Egyptian culture, where 'foreign' is only something seen in movies and traveling abroad is a privilege envied by many.
But he dared to dream. Attending the Graduate Institute was a goal towards which he had worked for the past 4 years. To get here he needed two things: grades and money. For the grades, he sacrificed his time and his effort, but for the money, his entire family sacrificed. A whole lot.
In Egypt, and I guess anywhere really, Switzerland is automatically linked to really expensive standards of living. It is not to be taken lightly to say 'yes, I'm pursuing a masters degree in Switzerland'. But now that's what he says. That's what his mother proudly says to her neighbors and her friends. That's what his father says to his co-workers and the men he smokes shisha with after work. Because their son accomplished something. Huge. He is pursuing his masters degree in Switzerland. Yes. Our son is smart enough to study 'abroad' and we're supporting him as best we can.
My mom always says something to me when I become impatient or frustrated with LSATs. She says that I always lose sight of what I already have. That because living and studying in Geneva is within my grasp, it's become worthless to me. That I forget that it's a privilege, it's reason to be thankful.
Ramez put me to shame today.
When he asked me where I got my BA from and I answered 'oh, here in Switzerland', in the most nonchalant way as if it were normal for the other 80 million Egyptians, I felt ashamed that I didn't say it with more gratitude. To Ramez, attending the Institute isn't just another penny, it isn't just a means to an end, it is an end. It is an aspiration achieved, a goal accomplished, a dream realized.
And what seemed to me like just another penny in my piggy bank of accomplishments, doesn't seem so worthless anymore.
My stepping stone is some one else's destination. And it's only when you look back at how many destinations you've walked through without a second thought, that's when you'll realize it's not just a penny.
B
Ramez's story is a typical success story - a guy brought up in a social class which favors a more traditional approach, more engrossed in Egyptian culture, where 'foreign' is only something seen in movies and traveling abroad is a privilege envied by many.
But he dared to dream. Attending the Graduate Institute was a goal towards which he had worked for the past 4 years. To get here he needed two things: grades and money. For the grades, he sacrificed his time and his effort, but for the money, his entire family sacrificed. A whole lot.
In Egypt, and I guess anywhere really, Switzerland is automatically linked to really expensive standards of living. It is not to be taken lightly to say 'yes, I'm pursuing a masters degree in Switzerland'. But now that's what he says. That's what his mother proudly says to her neighbors and her friends. That's what his father says to his co-workers and the men he smokes shisha with after work. Because their son accomplished something. Huge. He is pursuing his masters degree in Switzerland. Yes. Our son is smart enough to study 'abroad' and we're supporting him as best we can.
My mom always says something to me when I become impatient or frustrated with LSATs. She says that I always lose sight of what I already have. That because living and studying in Geneva is within my grasp, it's become worthless to me. That I forget that it's a privilege, it's reason to be thankful.
Ramez put me to shame today.
When he asked me where I got my BA from and I answered 'oh, here in Switzerland', in the most nonchalant way as if it were normal for the other 80 million Egyptians, I felt ashamed that I didn't say it with more gratitude. To Ramez, attending the Institute isn't just another penny, it isn't just a means to an end, it is an end. It is an aspiration achieved, a goal accomplished, a dream realized.
And what seemed to me like just another penny in my piggy bank of accomplishments, doesn't seem so worthless anymore.
My stepping stone is some one else's destination. And it's only when you look back at how many destinations you've walked through without a second thought, that's when you'll realize it's not just a penny.
B
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