Today I met an Egyptian first year political science MA, Ramez (pronounced Rah-mez, not Ray-mez) at the Institute. Ramez is an average middle class Egyptian, a graduate of Cairo U, his English comes with a strong accent and a large amount of the expected shyness that comes with being forced to use a foreign language. He is modest, quiet, humble and stood 4 feet away from me when he introduced himself. He's been in my head ever since.
Ramez's story is a typical success story - a guy brought up in a social class which favors a more traditional approach, more engrossed in Egyptian culture, where 'foreign' is only something seen in movies and traveling abroad is a privilege envied by many.
But he dared to dream. Attending the Graduate Institute was a goal towards which he had worked for the past 4 years. To get here he needed two things: grades and money. For the grades, he sacrificed his time and his effort, but for the money, his entire family sacrificed. A whole lot.
In Egypt, and I guess anywhere really, Switzerland is automatically linked to really expensive standards of living. It is not to be taken lightly to say 'yes, I'm pursuing a masters degree in Switzerland'. But now that's what he says. That's what his mother proudly says to her neighbors and her friends. That's what his father says to his co-workers and the men he smokes shisha with after work. Because their son accomplished something. Huge. He is pursuing his masters degree in Switzerland. Yes. Our son is smart enough to study 'abroad' and we're supporting him as best we can.
My mom always says something to me when I become impatient or frustrated with LSATs. She says that I always lose sight of what I already have. That because living and studying in Geneva is within my grasp, it's become worthless to me. That I forget that it's a privilege, it's reason to be thankful.
Ramez put me to shame today.
When he asked me where I got my BA from and I answered 'oh, here in Switzerland', in the most nonchalant way as if it were normal for the other 80 million Egyptians, I felt ashamed that I didn't say it with more gratitude. To Ramez, attending the Institute isn't just another penny, it isn't just a means to an end, it is an end. It is an aspiration achieved, a goal accomplished, a dream realized.
And what seemed to me like just another penny in my piggy bank of accomplishments, doesn't seem so worthless anymore.
My stepping stone is some one else's destination. And it's only when you look back at how many destinations you've walked through without a second thought, that's when you'll realize it's not just a penny.
B
Sunday, 18 October 2009
Wednesday, 14 October 2009
A little truth
I've taken to blogging whenever my mind is too busy to consume with work - it brings a surprising sort of comfort even though I never actually blog about what's keeping my mind ticking. I think I'm going to give it a go today. Try to sort out the incoherent, define the undefined and perhaps find solutions. I apologize already, because this experiment may result in a non-sensical stream of consciousness.
So where to begin? A whirlwind of events, and all of a sudden you find yourself wrapped up in people who pull you in every which way, sometimes directions that contradict each other, sometimes directions you would have never thought of, but you follow, blindly. Out of sheer curiosity, out of narcissism, out of need for attention, out of loneliness, out of boredom. You follow even if you know you shouldn't. You fall for it every time, because curiosity always trumps experience, because curiosity always trumps sticks and stones. You follow.
In the short term, your path is clear, your benefits racking up, you are excited and thrilled and anticipating every turn in the road. You are traveling with a friend or maybe someone who means a little more in the moment. Very little fear, very little regard for the consequences, just forward.
Then the path starts winding a little less, the idea becomes a little less novel, the somebody becomes constant. A new event pulls you in a new direction. How do you reconcile both? Specially when the first path no longer resembles an adventure, but a comfortable habit?
Then come the hardest choices we have to make. To continue or not to continue? Is the first path meant to be just that, a temporary adventure, an excuse for someone to say 'oh but think about all the good memories'? Or can it become an excuse for someone to say 'look at how far you've come'? Is it a path worth pursuing further? What happens when all the excitement disappears in the midst of habit? Do you trudge on, hoping that the 'known' and the 'comfortable' compensate, that they turn out to be better than the unknown? Until when? To what end?
I've been sitting here for 5 minutes. Staring at my cursor. I know the answer. I do. I know it.
On to the implementation.
B
So where to begin? A whirlwind of events, and all of a sudden you find yourself wrapped up in people who pull you in every which way, sometimes directions that contradict each other, sometimes directions you would have never thought of, but you follow, blindly. Out of sheer curiosity, out of narcissism, out of need for attention, out of loneliness, out of boredom. You follow even if you know you shouldn't. You fall for it every time, because curiosity always trumps experience, because curiosity always trumps sticks and stones. You follow.
In the short term, your path is clear, your benefits racking up, you are excited and thrilled and anticipating every turn in the road. You are traveling with a friend or maybe someone who means a little more in the moment. Very little fear, very little regard for the consequences, just forward.
Then the path starts winding a little less, the idea becomes a little less novel, the somebody becomes constant. A new event pulls you in a new direction. How do you reconcile both? Specially when the first path no longer resembles an adventure, but a comfortable habit?
Then come the hardest choices we have to make. To continue or not to continue? Is the first path meant to be just that, a temporary adventure, an excuse for someone to say 'oh but think about all the good memories'? Or can it become an excuse for someone to say 'look at how far you've come'? Is it a path worth pursuing further? What happens when all the excitement disappears in the midst of habit? Do you trudge on, hoping that the 'known' and the 'comfortable' compensate, that they turn out to be better than the unknown? Until when? To what end?
I've been sitting here for 5 minutes. Staring at my cursor. I know the answer. I do. I know it.
On to the implementation.
B
Tuesday, 6 October 2009
What a drug dealer and I have in common: We are Libras.
I had an interesting conversation today in the lobby of our library. About zodiac signs. Yes. We weren't talking politics, game theory or jurisdictions. We were talking zodiac signs.
I was introduced to this first year and she claimed she knew everything there was to know about zodiac signs and then asked if I'd like to know about mine. I declined. I know me, and I highly doubted she would add any insight that would surpass my knowledge of well..myself. A few minutes of rambling later and she came back to the subject. She said: 'you like socializing to a point where it can sometimes be misconstrued as flirtatiousness, you are indecisive, but once you are set, you are extremely stubborn, you are easily frustrated by non communication and inaction, it's very easy to attract your attention, but easier still to lose it.'
Then she said, 'you are a Libra'.
Uh. Ok.
I literally stood there for a minute processing. She didn't even know my name, let alone when I was born or my zodiac sign or anything about my socializing habits for that matter. So I said, presupposing that all that junk you just said is true, how did you figure it out? She goes, well for starters, the fact that you are worried that I 'found out' is the first sign. Librans socialize and people think they know them, but when you filter what they say, you'll discover you know very little about them.
So I said, again junk aside, scientifically speaking, isn't it irrational to expect that everyone born within the span of 30 days to be carbon copies of each other? What about environmental factors and social development? You are saying that a drug dealing Libra and I are comparable. So she says, yes you are. You use flirtatiousness to attract attention, the drug dealer may use it to sell drugs.
Right.
So why aren't there millions upon millions of me?
Because apparently, factors such as society, culture, religion only dictate your motives, but not the methods with which you choose to achieve them. So I choose not to deal drugs for a living, but I use the same tactics a Libran drug dealer would use, but for my own purposes.
Interesting.
It got me thinking though, how do you separate all these factors from one another. It's not an open buffet, you can't pick and choose. Because if it's my culture, or religion or society which is keeping me from drug dealing, then maybe I should be defined by those instead. Maybe instead of saying 'I'm a Libra', I'll say 'I'm a Muslim'.
So I asked, why are you so concerned with Zodiac signs if you know that they aren't decisive in determining an individual's personality?
She said: 'I'm not interested in why you are different, I'm in interested in why you are all the same'.
B
I was introduced to this first year and she claimed she knew everything there was to know about zodiac signs and then asked if I'd like to know about mine. I declined. I know me, and I highly doubted she would add any insight that would surpass my knowledge of well..myself. A few minutes of rambling later and she came back to the subject. She said: 'you like socializing to a point where it can sometimes be misconstrued as flirtatiousness, you are indecisive, but once you are set, you are extremely stubborn, you are easily frustrated by non communication and inaction, it's very easy to attract your attention, but easier still to lose it.'
Then she said, 'you are a Libra'.
Uh. Ok.
I literally stood there for a minute processing. She didn't even know my name, let alone when I was born or my zodiac sign or anything about my socializing habits for that matter. So I said, presupposing that all that junk you just said is true, how did you figure it out? She goes, well for starters, the fact that you are worried that I 'found out' is the first sign. Librans socialize and people think they know them, but when you filter what they say, you'll discover you know very little about them.
So I said, again junk aside, scientifically speaking, isn't it irrational to expect that everyone born within the span of 30 days to be carbon copies of each other? What about environmental factors and social development? You are saying that a drug dealing Libra and I are comparable. So she says, yes you are. You use flirtatiousness to attract attention, the drug dealer may use it to sell drugs.
Right.
So why aren't there millions upon millions of me?
Because apparently, factors such as society, culture, religion only dictate your motives, but not the methods with which you choose to achieve them. So I choose not to deal drugs for a living, but I use the same tactics a Libran drug dealer would use, but for my own purposes.
Interesting.
It got me thinking though, how do you separate all these factors from one another. It's not an open buffet, you can't pick and choose. Because if it's my culture, or religion or society which is keeping me from drug dealing, then maybe I should be defined by those instead. Maybe instead of saying 'I'm a Libra', I'll say 'I'm a Muslim'.
So I asked, why are you so concerned with Zodiac signs if you know that they aren't decisive in determining an individual's personality?
She said: 'I'm not interested in why you are different, I'm in interested in why you are all the same'.
B
Thursday, 1 October 2009
Home is where the heart is.
Apparently.
What happens though when your heart is in more than one place? How many places can you call home all at once? And is home defined by the place or by the people who inhabit the place? Or by where your ambitions take you?
I haven't been able to write. The point of this blog is to show you how I balance or struggle to balance two different homes, one where my heart is and one where the rest of me is. But I've been thinking about it, and I've realized that at any given time during the year, my heart is in at least 3 continents.
Josipa says that, 'Home should always be security. A sense of peace and belonging, even if you feel like a stranger because of the amount of time that passes, the feeling of peace, security and belonging should never escape. Home is where the heart is. And if you heart changes locations, then let it be. But never forget the sense of coming back to "home" - wherever it may be.'
Sometimes I'm scared that I'll lose the feeling of coming back home. I'm scared that security, peace and belonging are solely attainable based on the whims of my internet connection. Sometimes my heart is in so many places, that none of them really are home, but contain enough potential to become home. It's frustrating.
It's frustrating when your ambitions lead you to one place, people lead you to another and your origins lead you to a third. How do you reconcile them? How do you wake up every morning with a purpose when you know that this purpose may mean that you may need to make a sacrifice, no matter how small?
I never used to leave a world-trotting trail behind me. I was so careful. I'd always be the kid who everyone says goodbye to. The kid who always left. The minute I was gone, I was gone. The people and the place disappeared. Out of sight, out of mind.
Home was simply wherever my parents said home was.
Not anymore. Whoever gave my heart the right to decide where home is, has clearly never encountered it. Because if home really is where the heart is, then home is everywhere but here.
B
What happens though when your heart is in more than one place? How many places can you call home all at once? And is home defined by the place or by the people who inhabit the place? Or by where your ambitions take you?
I haven't been able to write. The point of this blog is to show you how I balance or struggle to balance two different homes, one where my heart is and one where the rest of me is. But I've been thinking about it, and I've realized that at any given time during the year, my heart is in at least 3 continents.
Josipa says that, 'Home should always be security. A sense of peace and belonging, even if you feel like a stranger because of the amount of time that passes, the feeling of peace, security and belonging should never escape. Home is where the heart is. And if you heart changes locations, then let it be. But never forget the sense of coming back to "home" - wherever it may be.'
Sometimes I'm scared that I'll lose the feeling of coming back home. I'm scared that security, peace and belonging are solely attainable based on the whims of my internet connection. Sometimes my heart is in so many places, that none of them really are home, but contain enough potential to become home. It's frustrating.
It's frustrating when your ambitions lead you to one place, people lead you to another and your origins lead you to a third. How do you reconcile them? How do you wake up every morning with a purpose when you know that this purpose may mean that you may need to make a sacrifice, no matter how small?
I never used to leave a world-trotting trail behind me. I was so careful. I'd always be the kid who everyone says goodbye to. The kid who always left. The minute I was gone, I was gone. The people and the place disappeared. Out of sight, out of mind.
Home was simply wherever my parents said home was.
Not anymore. Whoever gave my heart the right to decide where home is, has clearly never encountered it. Because if home really is where the heart is, then home is everywhere but here.
B
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